Funny Christmas Quotes and Sayings

funny-merry-christmas-quotes

Christmas is one of the most festive and jolly holidays. This is also one of my favorite days aside from my birthday. Millions of people around the world celebrate this fortunate holiday with complete zeal and merriment. A great time to reconnect and bond with the family, a time when our tables are full of different Christmas recipes and treats – that’s Christmas Day! To add more fun and merry to Christmas we are looking for more Christmas card quotes

funny-christmas-invitation-wording

Let’s make it more fun with these funny Christmas quotes. You can use these funny quotes for Christmas cards and ecards. So, here we go!

 Popular Christmas Quotes: Fun and Humorous

funny-christmas-quotes

  • “Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” ~ Phyllis Diller
  • “Why is Christmas just like a day at the office? You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.” ~ Anonymous
  • “I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included.” ~ Bernard Manning
  • “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.” ~ Erma Bombeck

funny-christmas-quotes-wishes

  • “Anyone who believes that men are the equal of women has never seen a man trying to wrap a Christmas present.” ~ Anonymous
  • “What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic.” ~ Anonymous
  • “The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene inWashington,D.C.This wasn’t for any religious reasons. They couldn’t find three wise men and a virgin.” ~ Jay Leno
  • “Christmas is a race to see which gives out first – your money or your feet.” ~ Anonymous

funny-christmas-wishes-quotes

  • “Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.” ~ Tom Sims
  • “The one thing women don’t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.” ~ Joan Rivers
  • “I never believed in Santa Claus because I knew no white man would be coming into my neighborhood after dark.” ~ Dick Gregory
  • “Dear Lord, I’ve been asked, nay commanded, to thank Thee for the Christmas turkey before us… a turkey which was no doubt a lively, intelligent bird… a social being… capable of actual affection… nuzzling its young with almost human- like compassion. Anyway, it’s dead and we’re gonna eat it. Please give our respects to its family… “ ~ Berke Breathed
  • “A Christmas shopper’s complaint is one of long-standing.” ~ Jay Leno.
  • “Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April fifteenth of the next year.” ~ P. J. O’Rourke
  • “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale

More Funny Christmas Cards Quotes and Wordings

funny-christmas-card-quotes

  • “Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people once a year.” – Victor Borge
  • “Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.” ~ Larry Wilde
  • “Peace on earth will come to stay, when we live Christmas every day.” ~ Helen Steiner Rice
  • “I wish we could put up some of the Christmas spirit in jars and open a jar of it every month.” ~ Harlan Miller
  • “Blessed is the season which engages the whole world in a conspiracy of love.” ~Hamilton Wright Mabi
  • “There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them.” ~ P.J. O’Rourke

funny-christmas-cards-01

  • “Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.” ~ Norman Vincent Peale
  • “Let me see if I’ve got this Santa business straight. You say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn’t laundering illegal drug money?” ~ Tom Armstrong
  • “Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space.” ~ Dave Barry

funny-christmas-quotes-greetings

We hope that you enjoy our list of humorous Christmas quotes and Christmas Messages. More Christmas quotes and sayings posted in our site. You can use them as funny Christmas card quotes if you wanna humor your friends and loved ones this coming Christmas day. Browse them and enjoy!

Want to share your own Christmas funny quotes? Just post your feedback and your own Christmas sayings below. You’re most welcome!

Merry Christmas!

 

Comments

comments